Ooh La La
Britney’s smurfed-out new video came out today. This is a really good example of “I watched it so you don’t have to,” because it sucked out a lot of my life force.
The song has been latched onto my brain for days like some kind of sonically engineered hungry protozoa. Get Brit into that breezy high octave and there is literally nothing I can do to resist. I mean, obviously it sucks, but since my generation all grew up bathed in the Holy Light of B-Spears, there’s a certain pleasure to her releasing anything new in 2013.
Please do not subject yourself to this, though. It’s all Smurfs and languid, medication-enhanced fist pumping. There’s definitely an exploding duck in there. And Neil Patrick Harris. Is it me or have Britney’s eyes become really desperate and sad? I mean, not just emotion-wise, but shape-wise. There are several frames in this video where she frantically works to un-droop her gaze. Her brow bones seem to literally be collapsing under the weight of vestigial mid-2000s trauma.
I also encourage you to remind yourself that all the Smurfs were CGI-ed into this later. I’m obsessed with imagining Britney flirting with her empty flat hand in front of a green screen. Post-fame in a perfect nutshell. Actually, I can’t think of a better description of Brit herself than “perfect nutshell.”