STILL ALIVE! DO NOT PANIC OK??
In fact, I’ve been so alive for the past week that I’ve blogged 0 times. I kept being like, “This would be a good time to write and post pictures,” but then America would whisper in my ear, “Hang out with meeee.” But now it is time to dump out my brain basket; here’s EVERYTHING that’s gone down from Sunday to Sunday!
6/28: Topeka, Kansas
Before my drive to Topeka, I was a far more innocent human being, with hopes and dreams and a chance for a better life. Then those 8 hours of fucking hell happened. About 540 miles of dull, plain plains under endless grey skies. A lot of wind turbines, powering nothing except more wind. I realized quickly that I would only be taking boring photos today (see below). I left from Denver too late in the afternoon and by nightfall, I was zooming around pitch-black bends in the highway, fingers white around the steering wheel, preparing to accidentally annihilate a wayward Bambi.
That night in Topeka was a blur. I entered my AirBnB, frightened my elderly host, fell asleep and did not dream.
6/29-7/1: St. Louis, Missouri
This is where it starts to get good. This is also where it rains through the rest of this post AKA the next 6 days of the trip. Anyway, I peeled away the dank experiences of the central U.S. and set out with renewed vigor for The Lou. This was my second Very Real Destination after Colorado – because my bitch lives there and my other bitch was due to fly in a couple of days after my arrival. Two bitches at once? It truly was an embarrassment of riches/bitches!!
First I swung by Left Bank Books in the heart of the citay, to visit my Midwest dream girl Wintaye at work. When she got off, we grabbed some din and I got to see her adoooorb new place right across from Tower Grove Park. She’s got mad gardens outside the window and everything. Watched some teevs, got some gelato, brunched, etc etc. Will forever remember the chorizo eggs at Half & Half. Finally washed my clothes. Dubsmashed all our favorite things. Saw Jurassic World (which was a lot more fun than bad reviews had prepared me for). Ate RIDICULOUS barbecue. Also hit a bunch of bars downtown (to middling partytime success).
Then my squeeze Nick stomped into the picture for ONE NIGHT ONLY. This was the exact moment when my roadtrip playlist began to play “You Are Not Alone,” because he’d be with me the rest of the way to New York. The three of us climbed all the things at the City Museum, which is literally the most dangerous destination I’ve brought my body to, including the Grand Canyon. The children, they just…hang from metal open-air structures.
Also noshed, wined, shopped at cheap superstore Five Below, chilled, and survived a crazy torrential storm.The sadness I felt at bidding Wintaye goodbye in the morning was mitigated by a severely delicious roadside donut. Oh, I’ll miss you St. Louis, you damp, beautiful piece of work.
7/2: Lake Hope, Ohio
Next stop was a campground inside Zaleski Forest of Nowhere County, Where Are We, USA. Our journey was broken up by a super surreal visit to a giant Walmart that seemed to sit in the plain like an ugly mirage. Got our camping sundries and made it to our site by sunset. This was actually my first time camping, eva eva! I was already feeling so rough that roughing it came naturally. Can I please tell you we decided on as “sleeping pads”? Can I tell you that they were inflatable kids pools and they weren’t half-bad?
Nick erected the tent and we spent the eve getting buzzed and bitten. One fruitless attempt to build a fire later and we went to convene The Midnight Society under the flaps. I was (tritely) in love with sleeping in the quiet woods. Even if we were to be mauled before dawn, it’d be worth it. A little.
The next morning, we attempted to find coffee in the INCREDIBLY FRIGHTENING nearest town of Zaleski, OH (population 1 killer). Insert my classic “Zaleski burned down…20 years ago…” here.
After some gas station brew, we got back into the YASmobile. To civilization!
7/3-7/4: Philadelphia, PA
At the moment we crossed the city line into Philly, I felt the comforting, crushing weight of the REAL East Coast on me. There was something about verdant flatlands giving way to belching industrial monsterscapes that felt so…RIGHT. And you know what else felt kind of momentous? My valiant Honda hitting 100,000 miles!!! I would drive 100,000 miles if I could just…see…you…cheese steak. *piano cadence*
Once we’d navigated the very Tomorrowlandish structures of smoke and grime that surrounded the city, we made our way to Spruce Hill, the neighborhood containing my friend Janna’s cozy apartment and our new temporary bed. Everywhere we walked, the sidewalks were cracked by the roots of huge leafy trees, and shrubs and vines strained out of fences to touch the passersby. Philly is so RICH and GREEN. It was a slightly more packed version of St. Louis, with all its stately old houses and excesses of flowers and roadside garbage. At this point, I was thankful for the on-and-off rain, because it paired perfectly with all the foliage and erased the smell of street cleaning gone wrong. Literally just put the trash in the cans, guys.
Our sole full day in PA was the Fourth of July, which was so wet that most of the fireworks fizzled from dawn till dusk. Didn’t matter, we still touristed expertly! Did the farmer’s market in the morning and killed some delicious pierogies, and I also saw the most amazing Scary Stories tattoo of life (pic below). We then lost ourselves in the glittering holey grotto they call The Magic Gardens. It’s a crazy mosaic of stairs, tunnels, and valleys (with more than enough boob/peen-painted tiles to keep adults interested in the finer artistic details). Again, the constant mist made it twice as beautiful, glittering.
After a beer, we steeled ourselves for the last long dramatic event of the day: a blocks-long “party” down the parkway culminating with fireworks above the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Weirdly, the weather seemed to have drained the batteries of everyone around us and the energy at this thing was super low. We entertained ourselves with endless games of gin rummy and Heads Up on the damp grass, but finally couldn’t take it anymore. The clouds were blocking the ‘works anyway. We turned around, went home, and read tarot cards as the sky exploded around us with thunder and illegal firecrackers.
7/5-Right now: New York, NUUUUU YORK
It only took us about 2 hours to make it from Philly to New York. Home rose up around me so fast; as soon as we crossed the George Washington Bridge we were THERE.
It felt completely different from every other time I’ve returned to NY from LA, and the feeling was hard to put my finger on. Eventually I kinda realized that it was the absence of a plane flight: the surreality of six hours in a box, the impersonal watercolor glimpses of all the country in-between, and the first sudden breath of dank, smoky air I’d get at JFK. When I fly back and forth, it’s like my destination cities had never even existed before I touched down. It makes me feel so crazy that, usually, when I get back to NY, I feel supremely disoriented and time-traveley for a full 24 hours. This time, the transition had lasted two weeks, and the transition itself had MATTERED. I’d navigated every mile, all three thousand of them, to my home place. I’d watched it gradually materialize in front of me, at the end of the road – and when I made it, it’s like New York had been waiting (impatiently).
First thing we did when we got to Nick’s place in Queens? Pizza, sleep, ANTM. Same as it ever was.
So I guess…this series is officially over! I’m going back to Long Island today to wash off the remnants of America and visit my old barista. My birthday is in two days and I have some refreshing-up to do before I’m ready to take on 26 in a celebrity death match.
Thank you sooo much for reading these travel thoughts. It’s actually been a #blessing to have a place to store all my observations, photos, and whinings, and I really hope they entertained a little bit. All in all, I drove through SIXTEEN STATES, including eleven in the course of this post alone. And I’m doing it aaaaaall again in August – NY back to LA by way of the South. REVERSE, REVERSE! See you then.